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Lost (pt.2)

I want to escape all rationals of reality. I never felt so exhausted and drained. Not just mentally and emotion but psychically. I’m tired of myself, things, people. There’s a price for everything even the desire of happiness.

I’ve been soul searching for so long and yet I feel like I have no idea how to get to where I want to be. I feel so alone in this shit. And I never felt so fucking alone. I’ve been contemplating suicide. For a long time. Not just an easy way out but never to feel. Never to feel the absurd of being alive. Everything just seems to hurt more and more as time goes by.

Every waking moment, I just want to drown in my sorrows. There are days where it becomes a dread to get out of bed. Just to shower, just to eat. I either sleep for a long amount of time or just stay up for days trying to change the aspects of my life that makes me feel so down, depressed. I’ve been crying, I’ve been screaming. No one hears me. All the burdens are getting too heavy for me to carry on my own.

I don’t pity myself but who is here for me but me and I’m barely there for myself sometimes too. Everyone leaves, everyone takes and drain me.when will I get a break from it all? For once, I just want to live, be happy.

Be free.

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