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You (pt.4)

How you gonna promise me the world then go out and switch up on me like that?

Fuck you, fuck the clique you claim. You sit here and talk about how "real" you are, how "loyal" you are but you let what people say about me confuse your feelings of HOW you feel about me. At the end of the day, I got myself, I'm solid. I never needed anyone who don't need me. Don't even sit there in regret or in guilt.

I'll never fold and you know damn straight I'll ride for mine. Don't even hit me up, don't screw yourself even peeking on how I'm doing, I'm fucking straight. Just because we spent time together and I said things; don't mean that I can't turn it off. Don't mean you mean shit to me.

I took all that heartache and turned it into self love. Nothing is more dangerous than a woman knowing what the fuck she wants. Nothing is more dangerous than someone who's not afraid to die doing what they love and what they stand for.

Not even tryna sound cocky or anything; but ANYONE who I was with or had a thing with could've had me. They really could HAVE. But you know what, at the end of the day, those people are weak. They're afraid of commitment, they're afraid of change, they're afraid of getting hurt and being left, they're afraid of someone REAL, GENUINE, PURE, and LOVING.

That's a personal problem. I can't change how people feel or force any connections, I can only do my thing, you either with me or against me. The only thing that sucks from those relations is how much time I spent tryna hold something/someone together when them, theirselves weren't even put together.

You know what sucks most though? Loving more, giving more, always FEELING more. Always, all the time. For no fucking reason. SO FUCK YOU, for giving up. Fuck you for not trying enough. Fuck all Y'ALL that done folded.

I'm a lover, I'm not a fighter but I'll always love more. As loving as I am, don't get the wrong impression, that switch just turns off. Don't get the game fucked up, I'll always love myself more, and I will always give myself more. It's not my fault, none of ya'll learned how to love, it ain't my fucking fault that you never faced those demons, those risks.

At the end of the day, I did my fucking best. I did what I could. I showed those people, my good side; yet no one was good enough to meet the best side. How unfortunate. How fucking unfortunate that I didn't trust anyone enough to let go of myself completely. That side that loves so effortless, that side that will cook for you a meal big enough to last weeks.

How fucking sad that no one gave a fuck about me or love me fucking enough for those sides to come out. That's why I never settled down, I don't want to, ever. Everyone can give you an irreplaceable feeling and experience, but no one can maintain it.

Goodnight. 💙

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