I used to hate the way I saw the world. I still feel that way. A part of me will always feel like my soul is aching because of how heartless it can be. People are evil. The day the world knows peace, we will all probably die... that's the fucking truth. Some people can't even afford homes let alone be kicked out of them with no money or jobs. No roof over their head or their familie(s). I never see the world for what it can be. I see the world for what it really is.
We have so much to offer, so much to give even if it's just a little bit of it but we choose to be greedy. There are so many things that needs changing even if it starts off with changing who you are as a person. Who you want to be, where you see yourself. The kind of person you want to be.
I spent so much time talking to strangers about life. Wherever it may be, who it may be. I know it's dangerous but I did it because I wanted to see their perception of the world, of life. Guess I'm an old soul. I'm a hopeless romantic. I know we can do better but don't do it for some odd reason.
Almost every stranger I've encountered told me the same thing; one thing only. "I tried saving the world, I tried to contribute goodness and kindness to it. It's hopeless. But if you can change it for the better, if you can save the world and the people in it, always choose to do it. You're young, you have time."
I want to be kind because there's nothing better than being a light in someone's dark world. Lighting up their day. Sometimes we forget that life is too short. People come and go. It would be nice to know that you're making a change even if it's not that significant. Something is always better than giving nothing into this useless world.
For a long time, I blamed other people for how they made me feel. But at the end of the day, I could've just let it all go. I could have forgiven them for what they put me through. I was angry, immature. I held grudges against people.
Not because I wanted to hold grudges against people. I did it because I was hurt, I want to remember the hurt I felt, what I was suffering through. All the pain and agony, fear of being hurt. I wanted to remember all that pain I've sufficed because I wanted to never make the same mistake twice. Loving. Caring.
Trusting another soul again. To be quite honest, people just use you as a convenience for themselves. I don't blame them. We're only human. We use people to feel whole again, we use people to fill the void of the emptiness, loneliness we feel or felt. We use people to feel love we never received as children.
We all do it, it's normal but it's not healthy. It's not healthy to use people; it's not healthy to be selfish. It's not healthy to be greedy with people. With things, with the world. Especially when I have enough. I feel as if I already have everything I can possibly want.
Money cannot buy happiness. It can only buy materialistic things. Even then, I will never truly be happy. You won't be happy. Even when I had all the money in the world. Even when I had everything I ever wanted. I was never fully happy. I could've bought anything, had anything I wanted. Materialistically. Yet I was never full. I was never content with what I had.
Money made me more greedy, less healthy. It made me just want more and more. When it stopped coming, I grew sad. Like really really fucking sad. I felt miserable. Now that I barely have what I did, I feel even more happier. I feel complete. Things really do happen for a reason. Whatever it may be.
It takes time, patience, effort. Even failing and with failure comes with success. When you failed, you know that you tried, and you can keep trying again to make the same damn goals and dreams come true.
You are not too much, your dreams are not too impossible to achieve. With the hunger and drive to be successful, enough is not too much. "You can never be overdressed or overly educated." Anything is possible.
I graduate next year, I'll be doing what I love for the rest of my life. There's always room to learn, to teach, to obtain. I will be one of the youngest entrepreneurs. I'm going to pursue my dreams to be an auto body mechanic. I'm a woman of color. I have to work three times harder to gain respect. I have to be one of kind, I have to be the best at what I do so I can be even more successful and teach others how to be the best too.
When I win, everyone wins. If we're striving together as a team, you'll get a seat at my table. Starving for the luxury things in life, we will be full together. Goodnight. 💙