top of page

Numbed - November 11, 2017

I am trying to fix the pieces of me that other people broke. I pick myself up every time. I've been so high in my own safe haven. I wanted to numb, ease all the pain. We all deal with it differently-our demons, our pain. We all have different outlets how to ease, release that. It's not for attention. I'm more afraid of being alive than dying, being dead.

I often pretend to have my bubble baths just to drown myself. I would hold my breath and let go. Sometimes I mix drugs and alcohol to numb. To leave my demons, to find my lost soul. It's the only time I feel like myself and not the inhumane part that thinks she knows.

I'm good. My intentions and potential. It's hard to fight a constant battle where you never win. I do good deeds, I try my best to be a good person, friend, sister and daughter. I tip every place I go to whether their service was bad or not. Not because I want to be flashy but I understand pain, I get life. I get people work hard for themselves and for people around them.

They could've just had a bad day and have other things going on that stresses them. If that last ten-twenty dollars I have left on my card or in my pocket helps feed their families or puts a smile on their face then I want to be that person who made a difference in their lives.

I don't understand why all the good I've done is just not recognized. By even me, it's just never enough it seems.

Recent Posts

See All

Blame Me (pt.1)

Never really had any regrets from a youngin' until now. I really think about how I never endured as much pain as I did in my recent years because of you. Eleven years of pain, suffering, depression, a

Narcissist Mother, Absent Father

"But those are your parents." You need to stop blaming others." "Stop making excuses for your actions." That's what people would tell me. Especially when I talk about my childhood trauma and how I was

Fuck All Else

Take it personal. Take it personal when you always check up on people who never check up on you. Take it personal when those who said they’d be there hard times never pull thru. Take it personal when


bottom of page