Love Me Better
“Would you still punish me even though I did a long time ago? If so, let me know If I propose, would you say no? Would you break my heart? Would you embarrass me or play your part? Baby, don't fold, my heart is yours.” - PND
I want to unravel my hair, take off my clothes at the end of the day and come home to you. I want to have a nice warm tub filled with bubbles and you have bought the ingredients to the dinner I’m about to make. And I hope you lit up my favorite candles too and set up the dining room table. I wish that you washed and bathe our kids already. And that they’re in their little Star Wars pajamas.
I want to be the person you first wake up to, and the last you fall asleep with. I want to share these crazy ideas I have for our future with you. And even though they’re crazy and sound impossible. You believe in me anyway. Because what works better than a relationship where our partners believe in us as much as we do as inviduals?
After we tuck our kids to bed, I want you to play with my hair, sleep with me naked. Just the comfort of your body against mine makes me feel whole. I want you to lean over and give me forehead kisses because they’re secretly my favorite. One thing leads to another, you asked to make love to me.
When the world is sleeping; we make love for hours. Then some. We wake up for work and take our kids to school, one of us makes breakfast while the other makes coffee and smoothies, who doesn’t like a good pick me up. We dropped off the kids and go on about our own lives.
Its lunch time and you brought me lunch, I’m dirty from having oil from fixing cars all day. But you think I look good anyways in my overalls or mechanic jump suits. You brought me my favorites; I run up and jump on you and you pick me up and hold me as if I didn’t see you this morning.
I don’t even care for the food, even though they’re my favorites. Just wanted to see you, I always get a little overly excited when I see you. I see you everyday but the next time always feels like the last because I just can’t get over how lucky I got to be with someone like you.
I obsess over every detail and flaw I find within myself and my projects, my crafts. But with you, all I see is perfection. Your weird laugh, the way you look at me as if you see my soul and all the ways I used to be broken. You see the pain in my eyes but all I see is someone who healed me and showed me what real love supposed to feel like.
You see the old me and current me and future me; you see us growing old together. You see something more than what I see in myself. You respect my loyalty but my hustle and ambitions more. That’s all I ever wanted was for someone to see me at my lowest and still love me but yet stuck around until things got better and starts going up.
And listen, I ain’t ever been in love. But I know the kind of love I want and the kind of love you want. For it to work, you have to love and treat me the way I want to be treated and vice versa. You’ve always listened to my dark thoughts. You listened to my conspiracy theories. You just hear me. And you listen and you process everything I say. You love me in a way I’ve never even felt.
All I wanted was my own person, all I wanted was you to be your own person but we are greater together. Look how easy it was for me to consider my trust into you. You make time to talk to me, you make the effort and we live two different lives. Yet you make time count and you know how time runs funny for me. I never met someone who was so quick to say “I love you” back quicker than you.
I know you won’t ever fold on me, I told you about me and old me. I want you to know me and know everything; I want you to hear it from me first. I ain’t tryna have you look stupid out here either. I don’t mind letting my walls down again. If it means I get something special. Someone to grow with. That’s all I wanted in life was to force feed them. Have unlimited amounts of sex and love making but some nasty ass shit. Then get married and have kids with. I already see that with you.
I will love you until I run out of time and I don’t work with time, time has always been funny for me. I’m so restless. I will take care of you when you get sick on me. I will be your caregiver and more. I will ride till the wheels fall off. I promise you that I will love you unconditionally and always love you. Our kids will have the lives and futures we always dreamt of having. We WERE broken people. Somehow the universe brought us together and I have never been more excited to show someone my vulnerable side.
Good morning. 💙