As days go by I’ve become more hopeless and losing faith by what used to motivate me to keep going. I dread everyday hoping it’s my last. I wish I die every time I close my eyes and sleep.
I miss the warmth of wanting to be present and being okay in the gist of breathing. Sometimes I’m envious of how others go on.
And at times I feel like I drive myself fucking insane believing that some people can have a heart like me. I feel so fucking empty and alone all the time. All I think about is death and what happens after. It’s all I ever think about. It’s all that crosses my mind. It’s the feeling of feeling everyone and everything so deeply and maybe the curse of it all too. My mind doesn’t stop replaying all the memories, all the good times and all the bad that’s left with me.
I should’ve died a long time ago. I’m so tired of living life in auto pilot. Not feeling much but solely a pit of pain mixed with all the emptiness. And it feels so hallow.