If I Did - January 18th, 2016

My. Tien,

I will never understand why or how we drifted apart or how you never cared about having a relationship with me enough to claim me as one of you. Just like our dad.

John,

I'll never understand why you don't see the love that I have for you. I've always cared about you even all the times I acted like I didn't. You might be my half brother but in my eyes, we were always whole. You were the first sibling that I had, the first one I made a lot of memories with. All the good, all the bad. I never understood why your love was so quiet.

Vivian,

I wish in another lifetime, or another future that you would get the chance to know me. I wish I had more time to grow the love I have for you from this distance.

Kristal and Kristy,

You guys are truly a blessing in disguise. I apologized for how distant I've been. You guys will always have each other. You guys will always have each other to get through hard times, even when I'm no longer on this Earth. I envy the love you guys have for each other, the loyalty.

Isaiah,

My favorite soul child. I hope I get to beat my own battles of depression and suicidal thoughts. It's been very dark for me lately. I wish I graduate on time this year. I hope I get to live up to the day you graduate high school and college. I hope I'll keep myself alive to see the day you receive all those athlete scholarships from the schools you apply to. I hope to be alive to see the day you get married to your wife. You have always been the light in my dark, cold world. The covers for my rainy days. I'm sorry I can't be with you all the time to watch you continue to grow up... without me. You have a good sense of humor for being as young as you are. You are such a tiny person with such soul and heart. You are a funny character in my books. The best one, my favorite one. Don't ever change.

I won't be far.

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