Dear future you,
Stop settling for people. Stop settling for half ass men and women who don't even be giving you the same kind of love. Stop giving everyone your all when they don't even feel the same about you. You gotta love yourself more. You need to learn how to take care of yourself, your well-being. Tina where is your soul even at right now? Remember what your co-workers told you. Sometimes it's not even you that's in the wrong; sometimes it's other people. May they want to see your down-fall because of spite, anger within themselves or even jealousy.
Tina, I'm sorry but it's true. Stop blaming yourself for the way people feel about you. Stop expecting closure from people when you already did your part. There is nothing else you can do now. You nearly killed yourself to exceed others exceptions instead of your own. Stop fucking feeling bad for those who don't even want to help themselves.
I see you on nights where you tried to hurt yourself, analyzing death and trying to pause your reality. I've seen you on nights where you tried to let go of it all. Not a lot of people deserve you. And Tina it's not your fault. Stop feeling guilty for doing what's best for you. Stop feeling so sad whenever someone gives up and leaves you. I know you, I know you would've held on to everyone if you could. Even if it meant holding on to the blade of the knife they tried killing you with.
STOP. Stop breaking your own heart trying to fix others. Tina you deserve all the happiness you've been missing. You deserve someone who will love you always and forever. You deserve the life you been creating. It's not you, it's them. They left, they left you at your darkest hours and they don't deserve to be with you. They don't deserve the wealth, the accomplishments you are about to receive. None of them do, because they left. They left you when you tried killing yourself. They don't deserve you. They don't deserve the nights you talked them out of suicide but couldn't even just tell you things will be okay...
Honestly Tina, what is it that you want? Besides the kinky sex, besides poisoning yourself in alcohol because you think a hangover hurts less than a broken heart. What do you want? Have you ever even thought about that? What does your body crave? What do you need? And I promise I'll give you that, everything and more. Just tell me. Let me know who you want to fall asleep being and who you want to wake up to. Not another someone, but YOU. What the fuck do you want? I love you. Even days you can't do it for yourself. I will be here to help you. And I will never leave. I will always take you out of the state of depression, suicidal thoughts.
I am here for you.
Good morning. 💙