Growing

The admirations of aspirations of potencies goes beyond just any diameter of wanting to be comfortable.


There is more to life than being around those who make you feel alone and/or want you to just wait around for them to decide on what they want. Life isn’t about finding someone who completes your sanity. There are so many kinds of love and growth within yourself before finding someone who levels out your own balance.


Cos listen, no one is going to stay or stick around when you are at your worst. They’re not going to comfort you and fill that swollen soul. They’re not and that’s the damn truth. As human beings, we are the most selfish. We only love others in return of how much more they can give us back. But as soon as they don’t, we leave. We want others to love us more and deeply but we’d never allow ourselves to even trust or open up that much to return the satisfactory of our own.


It’s always better to reside that kind of love in ourselves. Why do we always try to find love from those who can’t even give it to us? Why search and suffice effort and time from others? The people we find in hopes of finding us. They don’t matter. It’s the truth. Who’s going to move and love us the same way the way we do ourselves; be honest!


No one but our fucking selves. To be honest, I can have anyone I want and I know anyone can have me if I even cared enough to be consistent and present. What I’ve learned is to keep myself busy and do things that make me happy.

I’m better off on my own—now that I’ve realized. Truth is, no one will ever love me the way I deserve to be loved. It’s not people’s job to; too. I want to be enough to realize my worth then more. I want more than what life and Earth has given me life to be grateful for. I want someone who reaches my level of love. I want more of it than anything. Not in portions, not in small givings. I'm afraid that no one will ever love me to this maximum. I'm scared no one will ever even touch the guidelines of mine.


I am selfish as in many ways I am not. I am selfless when it comes to love but I am a territorial person. I am not jealous. I want everything I give to be reciprocated. I want it more back if that makes sense. I want someone to love me equally; if not more. And I want all of it to myself. I know it's selfish and wrong... it's the feeling of never having that. It's the fact that I never grew up with that. I want to know what it feels like to have that all entirely to me. I want it real and raw. I want connections more than just love, than just sex. I want to be mind fucked and eye fucked everyday. I want someone who thinks so much and so rapidly.


I want someone to help me harp my way of thinking, loving and living. I want a love that doesn't exist. I want to grow with somebody. I want someone to hold my hand, respect my hustle more than my looks and sexuality beyond any complications. I don't think I'm better or more intelligent than others, but I am consistency moving. All the time. Mentally and emotionally then psychically. I want someone to match those sides of are and understand who I am.


I am still growing. I am still learning and teaching. Sometimes I want to just teach someone how to love the way I love. I want to love, I want to save it; revive it then receive it. To be the luckiest, to be the most fortunate; is receiving love that you know you deserve and I haven't been able to do that. I have unlocked different doors and opportunities to love but I never reach the kind of love-when someone gives me something I finally deserve or want. I crave it, of course. I'm human. I want love. I don't need it but any time someone finally gives it to me, when life finally gets to me and gives me my fair share... I get weird. I get emotional and go bat shit crazy and distant myself.


I don't know who I am as a person outside of my traumas and hurt.


I run miles of kilos. There is no destination of where I'm going or what new setting I have myself in.


I like to see growth within myself and others but with love that others... with the love they grow within me.... It gets hard and it gets so fucking scary. The first thing that comes to mind, is what they are using me for... even though they aren't. I have a fear that no one will ever truly love me. They all want something. Whether its love-back, companionship, lust, a title or the status quo.


Question is, how do I grow with the love that comes with others too?


Good morning World. 💙

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