Faded Smiles

When you see me, do you see forgiveness?

The pain? It’s inevitable. You’ll never have to feel what I feel, see what I see. The sufferings never end. These voices in my head. I wish I can turn off the dark thoughts. Turn off the dark days: the very suicidal ones. But I see myself and I wonder what the fuck is the point anymore?

I just feel like the world will be better off without me. No matter how much I pour into it, no matter how much I love, endlessly. I’m the one that’s left devastated. My heart and soul hurts. It aches to the point where I wonder how painless it’d feel to no longer be alive. Maybe that is it. Maybe I’m one of those people who just takes their life on a really good day.

I itch for just a small ounce of happiness. I want something real. Someone real. I want reason and purpose to keep on going. I just want someone to hold me in times like this and tell me things will be alright. But the only person who can make it bearable is no longer alive.

Everyday passes and I’m wasting away. Decomposing. Waiting for a miracle to save me from heartache from my corrupted self.