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I wish I didn’t lose interest in things or people so easily. I wish I can settle down. I wish I wasn’t so easily distracted about the things and goals I have. But it’s so important to me to never lose myself again. I can deal with losing things and people because other things will always come around. Other people will.

Right now, I just care about myself because if I don’t, who will? If I don’t take care of myself then who will? How can I take care of mine, my family and friends if I can’t even take care of myself. Of course I miss having someone to come home to. Of course I miss having another human being that I can call my significant other: boyfriend or girlfriend.

I’m a pan sexual. I just like whoever got personality.

I love someone who’s energy matches mine. Lately I haven’t found that. And I don’t want to keep searching for love when I got all the love within myself. I don’t want things to be routine. I don’t want to get bored or run out of things to talk about.

I just want to live a very care free and stress free life with somebody. I want to go on endless dates, I want to write each other love letters old school style. I want to make love to somebody, not just sex not just a quick fuck. I want to love somebody head to toe. I want to admire their body, mind and soul. I want them to learn mine. And love me tenderly. I’ve never had anybody who loved me the way I loved. That’s how I always end up getting hurt first.

That’s what my soul and body craves. I want to do my own thing, you do yours. We ain’t gotta be together up each other’s ass every sec of the day. I want to encourage you to make time for your own friends and life. All I ever wanted with someone was to be best friends, lovers and soulmates.

Sometimes I find myself craving that a lot but then I realize I’m only 22. There’s so much more to life than a relationship. Than love. But it would be fucking nice to be able to trust again, love again like there’s no tomorrow; until the wheels fall off.

I’ve been single for almost three years. Yeah I’ve had flings that I thought would be potential relationships but none of it was good enough for me. I’m so Tina and me. And people are so them.

They’re so boring or just not passionate and crazy enough for me. Simply not even loyal enough. I want someone whose crazy about me, be about me. I deserve someone whose never gonna fold on me. Still rep me even when they’re not with me. I’m not tryna sound cocky. I deserve to be with someone who knows what they want and choose me. I want someone respectful enough to let people know I’m their girl. Regardless if I’m there with them or not.

I deserve happiness, I deserve someone whose willing to grow and build with me. Be my #1 supporter. With my career, there will be unwanted attention, lots of car meets, business meetings and other people who I make time for; as friends. I want someone who knows I’ll be their rock no matter what.

I don’t know; some Bonnie and Clyde shit. I want my next relationship to be my last. I’m talking about trial and error. Establish each other’s goals, dreams and careers. Building businesses and houses. I want multiple properties and multiple businesses. The next person I fall in love with. They will have everything and more. They’ll see my vulnerable side. Every possible side of me. They’ll see a hustler, wife, mother in me, best friend, and lover. I want the next one to be the lucky one.

No one ever knew me enough. Family or my closest friends. I’ve always been so standoffish to people because I want to protect myself from the world and cruel people. The next one will be the lucky one. The last one.

Goodnight. 💙

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