Updated: May 25
What I'm about to say will piss off some people. I ain't tryna start shit nor am I out here starting shit. I have the eyes to hear shit, the ears to see shit, and the heart that breathes. I'm here for a reason, maybe I can't change society, the system, the corrupted law. I can't enforce anything else but spread awareness; unity, respect and love.
I've mentioned before in my "Home 💙" memoir/story that when I was having my maniac episodes in the hospital; I yelled out loud: "my family members are bloods: LRBz to be exact. I fell in love with a Crip." It is what it is. I got a lot of shit for it in the beginning. I can't help who I loved at the time. I felt safe, when I was with him, I felt like it was home at the time.
I was somewhat content. Thought I found what I was looking for all along. Someone who was as equally broken as me but loved me like there was no tomorrow but shit happens. People grow up, either we were going to grow together or apart. I still got love for all the dudes who broke my heart and left. It's all in the past now. I GREW THE FUCK UP. I know what I want. I don't want to be reminded of who I once was because it ain't me anymore.
And I wish all my exes the damn best but I was the best. I was the best damn thing any of them ever had. I was there. I was always there when it mattered. I sat in cars with mfs, I was out here getting what I needed to get done when I didn't have to. I had my own home at the time, I had my moms home too. I chose to be a damn ride or die instead. That's how I've always been.
I'm not scared. I was never scared of the lifestyle I once lived. I've changed. I've experienced everything I needed to. I've lived the life I needed to, I accomplished most things I did, I lived and died all at the same time. I lived life since the day I was born. I've changed for the better, but once it comes down to it, I know where I stand. I can hold it down on my own. I've always remained ten toes down, for others but especially my fucking self. I never needed backup or anyone to make me feel like I got it. I got it. On my own. I can go out and do shit on my own without worrying or being paranoid whose after me.
I don't know about everyone else. I think that's a real ass, solid ass bitch. That's how I see myself at least. I know how grounded I am. I appreciate myself for how aware I am of things. Don't get the game twisted though, I've never been the one or had homies set up their own. Or people they know. That shit is played out. Never been a set up, never been a snitch. I ain't with all that. One thing I know for damn sure, is if anything were to happen, I'd happily die a Crip.
With everything that is going on; I have to clear the air that I just be kickin' it. I grew up the way I did. I was just out here kicking it. I had no idea I was associated with gang members or any of that. I see and feel what I feel. I got love for the West Side but I also have love for the Soufend. I was naive and care-free most of my life. I never paid close attention to anything. Until recently. Until I found out who was who. What was what.
Now let me enlighten you about the history with the Black Panthers. Back in the 1970s, 1980s, during the rivalry. After the 1990s is when both sides united. Called truce. Bloods and Crips united because of the corrupted system. Blood vs Blood violence, Crip on Crip violence, Bloods vs. Crips, etc. Both sides united together to fight against the injustice within the system. Police brutality, racism and discrimination.
That's what I don't understand. After truce. Came the greed. Came everything else that comes with violence. Being more superior... as one, as one community, so much can be brought together. But people don't see things the way I do. I don't care what color you repping. As long as you're loyal and respectful towards me and who I come with, that's all I truly care about. People don't want to let go of the past, it's understandable. I mean if famous people can come together, unite and build off the projects, pain, sweat and tears of what once was, regular day to day people can do it too.
That's my opinion at least. The justice system, the fucked up cops already have so much against us. As citizens, minorities. Asians, Blacks, Hispanics, Middle Eastern, African-Americans. I don't believe in violence, I don't believe in hate crimes. I believe that black lives fucking matter. I believe that humans should be treated as that, that they matter. I believe that the world can be at it's peace. I believe that people can change the world. I believe that we can. I can, even if it's the smallest amount of change. We can do so much for others, ourselves. Just with bits and pieces.
Even when I lost my home in 2019, for some petty ass shit I didn't even do or cause, I lost everything. But I still felt like I had more than enough, I moved three times within months. To me, I still felt like I had everything. I had clothes on my back, I still had my family and friends that were willing to put a roof over my head. I donated things I had, then some. Clothes and food. But no one really knew, I don't like to talk about the things I do. Especially if it's good. If God is real; not to offend anyone.
I questioned it a lot because why does bad things happen to good people? Why does good things happen to bad people, if God was real...? But that's another topic for another day. I used to spend random insomniac nights at gas stations. By my cousin's house, just having debates and talking to strangers. I met some of the most kindest people who lost their homes for the same reasons. Whether it was because they lost their jobs, couldn't afford rent. Or something so simple that can be resolved. Things can't always be prevented. Things can always be resolved. It makes me think how fucked up everything about the system can be. The justice system itself, housing, the cost of simply BEING ALIVE.
I feel for everything so deeply because I've been through it or seen my own flesh and blood go through it. I see, hear, and feel everything. That Christmas, I took my younger siblings with me to go donate some goodies, the looks on peoples faces. Brought me so much abundance of happiness and lightness. I wanted to teach my siblings that there is more to life than just materialistic things. Even food. That we will always have more than enough compared to other people in the world. I wanted to teach them the meaning to being human, the real meaning to what it feels to have ENOUGH.
The system is broken, it's a total scam. I don't want to be part of the problem. If I can change how the world goes round. If I can make someone's day with just a small piece of what I have, then I would do it. Over and over again, for all eternity. I may not have it all. Even much. But I do have enough. I don't want recognition, I don't want to be known for doing all of this. For being "good". I want people to treat me normally and regular. I've always had this mentality. I don't want to exploit the people who are going through the struggle or whatever it is they're going through. I just want to teach my siblings, my future kids and this one: Get Z. That we are the future. We are the change that's been missing.
Thank you for tuning in, I appreciate all the support: I appreciate YOU for reading this.